Assignment 1: Intellectual Autobiography

Intellectual Autobiography

I am pursuing an MA in Media Studies because I enjoy creating, and in particular I take great pleasure out of the creation of videos. I have an interest in creating visual art as well: in designing advertisements, drawings, organizational design and implementation, knitting/crocheting, and makeup styling. I don’t think about these things as art, but rather as things that I create. Much less do I consider myself an artist- within me are too many negative connotations attached to the term. I find myself creating bits and pieces of art even when I’m not paying attention, though some may argue that art isn’t art unless it is intentional. They are not creations made mindlessly, but I (and I assume others as well) find it very difficult to sit down with the intention of creating art. I’ve found that allowing myself to create spontaneously is the best way for me to take that random creation and turn it into something larger and more meaningful.

I am led to the Media Studies field by many different factors. Perhaps the strongest is my (perhaps misguided) belief that my brain works differently from other people. I tend to take in information from my environment and alter or add to it- I suppose that it is called an overactive imagination. I never realized that my mind works contrary to the norm until I was in my undergraduate program at Appalachian State University. An advisor, Gary Richardson, was a close friend of mine. Gary and I had conversations ranging from ridiculous screenplays (Attack of the Slugs! was one of our most winning) to existential philosophy (I was pursuing my BA in Philosophy). Gary pointed out to me one day that I think differently from everyone else. I replied, "Well, everyone thinks differently, because the way we think is determined by the experiences we have, and no one has the same experiences." Gary laughed and said, "Your response is proof that what I said was true." After this conversation, I thought a lot about Gary's idea, and I still do. My mind is a mix of the rational and the fantastic, a state of permanent cognitive dissonance, and I allow the contradictory to bang around and interpret at will.

I also tend to “frame” my environment, which means that I put what I see visually into a frame or clip inside of my head. My earliest memory of this was riding the school bus in middle school and listening to music and imagining a music video that I would build on for weeks. I went through a period of imagining that I was the subject of a TV show, and a brief period of believing it (this was before I saw “The Truman Show”, which I find strange).

The combination of these two perhaps unique factors does something, though I’m not too sure what. Why does it lead me to this field? I feel like Media Studies is a field that will help me work with what I have and what I am able to do; that my abilities and my downfalls can be embraced together, that there is a place for all of me. I studied Philosophy, and would have continued if I were not so impatient for action. I considered Photography, but I find it limiting, and always want the pictures to move. Music I love, but not enough to devote my life to the pursuit. I feel that with Media Studies, and Film Studies in particular, I can combine my assorted passions and explore the relationships between them.

I want to (and do!) create, and embracing that, I want to create things beyond my own self-awareness. Things that reach into the barrier of individual experience and change it. Long ago I was startled to realize that every single person on this planet, whoever was and whoever is, has a unique perspective based on experience. It’s such an abstruse idea that seems impossible in practice. What is it is like to be in his body, behind her eyes, with all the knowledge of their experience guiding me? To leave behind what I do know, to know what another knows? Even if this is possible, how do I take it with me?

Knowing this, what do I want? I want to experience human existence (what I call “the human experience”) beyond myself. Is this impossible, outlandish? What makes up experience? First, the body; then inputs from the world; interpretation of external stimuli by the eyes, nose, ears; then interpretation of those interpretations by the mind; the settling of all that information into frameworks which become experience; and then more and more inputs and interpretations on top of the frameworks to become an increasingly complex structure of experience. How could I possibly escape my own frameworks of experience, much less replicate the frameworks of another? Perhaps, then, that what I want to know is that there exists other frameworks, other experiences; that understanding is a many-faceted crystal that casts the experienced world into prisms of form and definition. This I can do: embrace my own experiences, and at the same time be aware that what I experience is a far cry from universal.

I want to make contributions to the field of Media Studies in several ways. I feel like I can explore “the human experience” through film/video, photography, and music, and use the research as well as the exploration of these mediums to influence the development of media. I feel that media is in a transitory state at this moment, and the more I learn about media the more excited I am to be involved in it’s development.

I am very interested in avant-garde and film noir, and I am currently learning more about the different genres and styles of film/video. I am exploring avant-garde in particular with my own work as I am working on an independent video series, juxtaposing avant-garde experimentalism with the clarity of high definition video, short 3-4 minute “webisodes”, and a (mostly) clear storyline. I also plan to combine philosophic theory with practice- and explore what that means through research for what may be a thesis. I am still on the fence regarding a thesis because while I am very interested in doing heavy research and production for a larger project, I intend on following the Film Forum track, as well as take as many electives in social change through media and experimental theory as possible. There are far too many options for me at this point, especially with my wide range of interests.

Currently I work at Milano The New School for Management and Urban Policy as a support person. I’ve had many different jobs since my first position at the age of 14- assistant in a special education classroom, bus driver, computer lab operator, manager of a fast food restaurant, assistant manager of a natural beauty store, to name a few. I’ve never followed a career track (although if you consider my six years in food service, you would be misled into believing that I have a planned path in the food management field) and I am relieved to have a better idea of where I want to go in a career. I would like to work in post-production in a large production company after obtaining my MA in Media Studies, create good connections as well as a name for myself, and at the same time build on my own production company until I am able to work for myself. I enjoy post-production work because I find it to be the most definitive and creative part of a video/film, though within my independent work I feel most confident in the combined role of creator/director/producer, and in fact, this is how I usually operate. In ten years I expect to be working in post-production and/or running my own company.

I’ve been in the Media Studies program at The New School for four weeks now. Each day brings new people, works, and ideas into my sphere of experience- it’s a very exciting time for me. I feel confident that the decisions that I have made and am currently making are the best possible for me, even though I must sacrifice other desirable things (i.e., money and having it) in order to be where I am. I can track my great personal growth in just the past four weeks, and I look forward to what may come.